


Redefining Pink

by Florentine



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Pearl Solidarity (Steven Universe), Pearlswap theory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 18:04:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florentine/pseuds/Florentine
Summary: It’s the healing that’s hard. The more her mind settles, the more memories are brought to the surface; they’re feelings, mostly, floaty bits of emotion that come and go at the least opportune times. Residual pangs of loneliness, fear, fury, helplessness, and she doesn’t know what to do with them, it’s been so long since she’s felt anything at all and now everything is coming at her so strongly and she feels like her gem could just crack from the stress of it all.





	Redefining Pink

The first time Pink sees her, she’s awed.

She recognises the gem – white, centred perfectly in the forehead, ever-so-slightly oblong like her own – before she recognises the form. And what a form! There’s nothing shy or meek or _Pearl-like _about it, and if she didn’t love her own form so dearly, she would be jealous.

Her memory is scrambled beyond recognition, but Pink _knows _her, and she wonders why White Diamond’s Pearl is wearing pinks and blues. Something undefined gnaws at her from the inside out.

Of course she’s friendly, because what else can she be? She introduces herself to the ragtag group, and her voice trembles when she speaks, and she needs to hold on to the one they’re calling “Steven” because otherwise her knees will buckle – but she’s smiling nonetheless. And she waves, and she introduces herself in that chipper way she’s always had, and it feels like her form is going to collapse at any moment.

Why do they all look so uncomfortable?

...None more so than White, who looks at her with an odd mix of emotions that Pink can’t quite name. Discomfort, certainly, in the way she flinches and pulls away. Pity? (Come to think of it, she sees that in different amounts in all of them.) Guilt. Why? She can’t think of anything the other might be guilty for, even if an aimless piece of herself screams that there’s _something to it. _No matter how hard Pink tries to befriend her, she just keeps pulling back.

They knew each other once, briefly, didn’t they? They hardly spoke, but they saw each other often enough to be passing acquaintances. And Pearls stick together! So why is this one looking at her like that?

It isn’t until later, in private, that Steven tells her everything.

She cries her heart out into his shoulder.

* * *

Pink connects with the Crystal Gems seamlessly. How could she not? Everything about them is drenched in Her Diamond’s ideas, her _colour_, and she feels more at home here than she ever did on Homeworld. She’s become fast friends with Amethyst. She explores the beaches with Steven. Garnet is sturdier than the rest; Pink clings to that. Bismuth, Lapis, Peridot – they’re easy to befriend. After two days, it feels like she’s known them her entire life.

It’s the healing that’s hard. The more her mind settles, the more memories are brought to the surface; they’re feelings, mostly, floaty bits of emotion that come and go at the least opportune times. Residual pangs of loneliness, fear, fury, helplessness, and she doesn’t know what to _do _with them, it’s been so _long _since she’s felt anything at all and now everything is coming at her so strongly and she feels like her gem could just crack from the stress of it all.

Perhaps the worst of it comes when she sees Pearl (who she’s learned not to call White, and she doesn’t question it because she understands). The two flinch away from each other when they pass. They don’t speak. They keep their eyes down and pretend they don’t see each other.

Pink has never hated another Pearl. On Homeworld, they’d had a special connection as the Gems nobody paid a second glance to. She’s comforted sobbing Pearls she’d never met before and mourned them when they were shattered. She’s sought comfort herself from Pearls she’d never particularly liked. So to hate one, on principle, feels wrong. ...Bitterness, then, is perhaps the better term. She can be bitter.

It’s worst, though, when she sees Pearl with the others. When she’s relaxing. When she’s sparring. Small things, like the way she tucks Steven in to bed, or the way she can look at herself in the mirror with two eyes and without flinching. When she looks happy and fulfilled and _alive _in a way that reminds Pink viscerally of how little she is any of those.

Pink can’t hate her.

It’s still easier to avoid her.

* * *

“It isn’t _fair_.” 

A hum. A gemmed hand rubbing down her back.

Below the porch where they sit (Pink in Garnet’s lap with her face hidden and hands shakily clutching whatever they can find, Garnet unmoving), the ocean rumbles along. Pink has found herself fond of the ocean; she likes the way it’s always moving, finds the sound calming. Above, the waxing moon shines down on the two of them. She likes the moon too.

“It isn’t _fair_,” she repeats, and she turns a tearful one-eyed gaze into the covered three-eyed one. “I was _made _for her! And _she _was made f – ” Even now, even so far away from Homeworld, she can’t say White Diamond’s name without choking on her own sobs. “ – And we were close! I _loved _her, Garnet!” Another hum. “A-And I know she loved me, too! And I was _made _for her and I only got a few thousand years with her before – ” Again, she breaks off into sobs, her form heaving.

“Take your time.”

“ – And! And that should be _me_! _I _should be the rebel, and lived on Earth with her, a-and – ” She’s sat up straight, now, gesturing wildly with one arm while the other clings to Garnet’s front. “I would’ve fought the Diamonds! I don’t even _like _them, they’re-!! You know how they are! And I would’ve been a great rebel!”

“I know.”

“And it just-!” With a final pained groan, she falls forward once again. It takes a long minute of quiet sobbing to finish – and when she does, her voice is quieter. Shakier. Smaller. “...And now she’s gone. And I’m never gonna see her again.”

Garnet can’t dispute it. She just nods solemnly and offers another pat on the back.

“...I don’t even – want her – Pearl, I mean – to...to take my place. Nobody should have to – but I just – why did it have to be _me_?”

This is the fourth night in a row they’ve had this same discussion. Garnet never has an answer. She just offers a tighter hold until Pink cries herself out.

* * *

Steven has been nothing but kind, and he’s only done the best for her, but Pink is still wary when he says she should talk with Pearl.

The two of them sit uncomfortably on the L-shaped couch, each occupying a section of her own as though trying not to be too close. Pink looks down, shoulders tense, teeth gritted together; Pearl fiddles with the edges of her jacket and stares at the ceiling. They can both feel Steven’s presence just outside the door, waiting for them to say something.

It’s Pearl who breaks the silence first, awkward and unsure of herself. “...Rose – Pink Diamond never told me about you.”

Pink’s shoulders stiffen.

There’s an attempt to fix the damage with faster words. “But it’s not-! She wasn’t _uncaring_! She never told me about you _specifically_, but I know she cared-...” It’s not working. Pink still can’t seem to look up, and the way her shoulders shake and her throat releases unwilling squeaks and whimpers makes Pearl certain she’s going to cry at any moment. A sigh. She needs to change tact.

“...When I met her, she would barely look at me.”

A flicker of interest.

“She was hardly willing to even speak to me. She would often ask me to leave her so she could be alone. I would stay close by, of course, and...I could hear how _upset _she was. I always thought I must have been doing something wrong, but...” Finally, Pink meets her eyes, her own singular one wide and entranced. “...She was missing you. I think she must have been.”

There’s another long silence. Pink seems to be gathering her thoughts, brow furrowing tightly and shifting the scarring in a way that almost makes it look more natural. She doesn’t like to think of Her Diamond upset, especially not over her...but there’s something validating about it. Had she really missed Pink so much that she couldn’t stand to have her replaced?

“ – She always thought you were pretty.” It’s a lame attempt at relating to Pearl. Pink had only had a few thousand years with Her Diamond; Pearl had had triple that, easily. But, judging by the smile that comes over Pearl’s lips, it’s something.

* * *

That longing ache never goes away, nor does the grief over thousands of lost years. Pink doubts it will ever go away.

It’s easier now, though. It’s easier, when she and Pearl can speak more freely, laugh about Pink Diamond, share in that camaraderie that comes so blissfully naturally to Pearls. It’s harder to be bitter.

And when she thinks about the future, it’s easier to imagine herself in it.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this almost a year ago and i know pearlswap might not be legit but you'll pry it from my cold dead hands


End file.
